You’re sitting around, minding your own business, when the memory just leaps into your head of its own accord.
Oh God, oh God, I thought I’d forgotten this.
It plays over and over in your head, the emotions of the Then seeping into the emotions of the Now. You cringe, flushing at the all too vivid memory of the careless words you’d spewed in a moment of reckless honesty – in a moment of madness. You wonder if that’s what holding it in does to you. Maybe there’s only so much you can take before you’re saturated with words unsaid and you combust spontaneously. Or is that what you tell yourself to assuage your bruised pride?
You remember how you caved and gave in to that compulsive desire to just throw all caution out the window. You remember how you just let loose everything that was simmering under your all too placid mask.
Oh God. Please, God. I don’t want to remember.
And even as you said it all, in your perpetually paradoxical state of mind, you were torn in two. Alarm bells sounded in your head, ricocheting off the walls of your skull. One part of you whispered words of encouragement, glorying in the relief it felt to finally be honest. Another rang with fear and panic, screaming frantically for you to put your mask back on.
But you chose instead to take a leap of faith. To take off your mask. To let go of your pride. To stop with the lies. Finally.
Funny how a whisper can drown out a scream, no?
You smile to yourself.
Oh God. Thank God I haven’t forgotten this.
Oh God, oh God, I thought I’d forgotten this.
It plays over and over in your head, the emotions of the Then seeping into the emotions of the Now. You cringe, flushing at the all too vivid memory of the careless words you’d spewed in a moment of reckless honesty – in a moment of madness. You wonder if that’s what holding it in does to you. Maybe there’s only so much you can take before you’re saturated with words unsaid and you combust spontaneously. Or is that what you tell yourself to assuage your bruised pride?
You remember how you caved and gave in to that compulsive desire to just throw all caution out the window. You remember how you just let loose everything that was simmering under your all too placid mask.
Oh God. Please, God. I don’t want to remember.
And even as you said it all, in your perpetually paradoxical state of mind, you were torn in two. Alarm bells sounded in your head, ricocheting off the walls of your skull. One part of you whispered words of encouragement, glorying in the relief it felt to finally be honest. Another rang with fear and panic, screaming frantically for you to put your mask back on.
But you chose instead to take a leap of faith. To take off your mask. To let go of your pride. To stop with the lies. Finally.
Funny how a whisper can drown out a scream, no?
You smile to yourself.
Oh God. Thank God I haven’t forgotten this.
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